"Rise up, O men of God!"

Hymns, no. 324
 
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

[...]

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! 
-Rudyard Kipling-

"We need to grow up in Christ, or we risk not growing up at all"
-Bishop Steven Rhondeau 

Firstly, I must apologize for the lateness of this post.  I intended to get this out long before Friday, and even promised a friend that I would.  I hope he will forgive my tardiness.

I've had a lot of trouble coming to the point I want to get at in this post.  Generally, I try to write when I am full of vigor and passion on a subject, when I have an axe to grind with the world.  With recent events and trends that I've observed, there have been plenty of times that I've felt that way, but I've insufficiently recorded those feelings to reproduce them here.  So, if this post seems like less than you've come to expect, I do apologize.

In a recent talk, Elder D. Todd Christofferson (a leader in the Church I belong to) admonished the brethren of the Church that it was high time we stood up.  Just a few weeks later, my own bishop gave a talk on the same subject.  In my notes from the talk, which I found very inspiring, I find these, words, among others:

• "Media that display men as fools or shows them exhibiting crass or stupid "frat boy" behavior are offensive"
• "Seek Jesus--stand by Him.  Be His man always.  He is the Man to be like-become like Him.  Allow Him to define your standard of manhood.  Never look to the world for this."
• "Fight-no great man became so by just 'going with the flow'"

Whether or not you agree with the religious tradition that I follow, if you have eyes to see, then you've seen that men are struggling now.  Perhaps you've felt one reason that Elder Christofferson cited for the downfall of men: where historically we've generally had some kind of task that makes us "men" instead of boys, a way of proving ourselves, today we find our world dismally lacking such a thing.  How do you know when you're a man?  Is the defining moment when you turn 18? When you learn to drive? Graduate college or high school?

May I suggest something less traditional? Or, should I say, less worldly?  Being a man is not so much about what we can do, as it is about who we are, and what we fight for.  In a much earlier talk on this same subject, Elder Christofferson gives us the example of his own father, who skipped lunch every day for nearly a year to buy his wife a special ironing machine that would ease the pain that ironing caused her.  Real men, as it turns out, learn to sacrifice, to serve others and love them.  In my religious tradition, I believe there is a rite of passage or two, that if we treat properly, can prove us true men.  At the age of twelve, young men are ordained to "the Priesthood of Aaron, which holds the keys of the ministering of angels, and of the gospel of repentance, and of baptism by immersion for the remission of sins" (Doctrine and Covenants 13:1), a responsibility designed to teach them to be men.  This priesthood is to teach them to physically serve-both in the Church's ordinances, and in the homes of the ward members.  Upon reaching the age of 18, young men who have proven themselves in the ranks of Aaronic Priesthood offices become eligible to receive a higher priesthood, associated with more responsibilities and more blessings.  During this time, they are also enlisted to serve as full-time missionaries, and invited to enter the temple and make sacred covenants with God.  All of this with the aim that at the end of two years' service, they might return home as men of God, ready and willing to take on the full responsibilities of manhood; to sacrifice for the good of others, with a heart dedicated to a cause greater than their own pleasure.

Recently, a good friend asked me to come see a movie with him.  Unbeknownst to him, I had already made a pact with a very close friend of mine that neither of us would see this film, because we both felt very strongly about the way that previous films in its genera and series portrayed the interaction between women and men, and how it portrayed the societal ideal of manhood generally.  As tactfully as I could, I wrote him a note (as we were communicating via the internet) in which I declined to see this movie with my friend, even though he is someone I really care about, and do not see very often.  With the respect that characterizes true friendship, he accepted my decline, although he asked, what it was, exactly that I found so objectionable about the movie.  To this, I never got around to replying, because I was not sure how to tell him that, while there may not be any one specific scene that I read of in my research on the film, there is an overarching theme of violence and sexual objectification that pervades these movies (one morning on the radio, the DJs on one station spent at least ten minutes discussing and comparing the sexual attractiveness of actresses portraying the main female consorts of these movies' hero), and I refuse to take part in it.  The problem, I think, is that we spend too much time looking to see if there's anything that "crosses the line" in terms of showing "too much" in movies, and we forget that storytelling is a teaching tool.  Even if the movie does not graphically show things it ought not to (and they often do), if it portrays the ideal of manhood in a way that is wrong, this affects those who watch it.  Storytelling is always pedagogical.

My bishop's talk left me with one quote that I hope I will never forget- "We need to grow up in Christ, or we risk not growing up at all".  In conclusion, he read aloud the words of a hymn with special meaning to me, and to all of those of the (since dissolved)

ΣΓΧ, adding a verse not present in the LDS Hymnbook:

Rise up, O men of God! 
Have done with lesser things. 
Give heart and soul and mind and strength 
To serve the King of Kings. 

Rise up, O men of God, 
In one united throng. 
Bring in the day of brotherhood 
And end the night of wrong.

Rise up, O men of God!

The Church for you doth wait,

Her strength unequal to her task;

Rise up and make her great!

Rise up, O men of God!

Tread where his feet have trod.

As brothers of the Son of Man,

Rise up, O men of God!

  

Missionary Month: Part V - "What Ere Thou Art, Act Well Thy Part"

Recently, I've been asking myself a question that will probably sound really odd.  So maybe I'll give some background before I ask it.  Fact-according to the scriptures, the City of Enoch and all of its inhabitants were translated-that is, they were taken up into the presence of God to live with Him until Christ's Second Coming upon the earth (see Moses 7:69, cross reference Genesis 5:24).  However, according to the genealogy set forth in the book of Genesis, Noah was clearly a descendant of Enoch.  Which means that when the City of Enoch was taken up, somebody got left behind.  I guess I've been wondering, what was that like?  How did it happen?  Was Noah's family just out on a picnic one day and didn't make it back in time?  Most of all, I wondered, how did it feel?

I've had a lot of experiences recently where I feel like I've "missed the boat", so to speak.  And it hurts a little bit.  I feel like I'm doing the best I know how, and yet here I am, left behind.  This leads to a lot of introspection on whether I'm worthy, whether I'm really doing my best.  And discouragement.  A lot of that.

So, this morning, I had a little study time left, and I decided to see what I could find out.  I ran the chronology according to what's given in Genesis, and found a slightly different account in the Doctrine and Covenants.  Either way, it turns out that Noah was not born in the City of Enoch, but rather a few years after it was taken up (see Genesis 5, and D&C 107).  So, Noah probably grew up at the feet of men--his father, Lamech and grandfather, Methuselah--who had lived among Enoch's people.  Not only that, but who had been ordained to the priesthood under the hands of the first and second generations of men on this earth.  At least one of them--Methuselah, who ordained Noah--was present at a meeting three years prior to Adam's death, in which Adam blessed him, and in the which Christ Himself appeared to comfort Adam in his age (D&C 107:53-57).  Translation: the guys who were left behind when Enoch's city was taken up were not exactly what you call slouches.  Although little is known of Lamech, in the Bible Dictionary it describes Methuselah as " a righteous man," and "a prophet", and in both the Bible and modern revelation, Lamech is seen to prophesy concerning his son Noah (Genesis 5:29, Moses 8:9).  So, Noah certainly wasn't left behind unaided.  I figured that was all I was going to get.  And then I read Moses 8:2-3:

"And it came to pass that Methuselah, the son of Enoch, was not taken, that the covenants of the Lord might be fulfilled, which he made to Enoch; for he truly covenanted with Enoch that Noah should be of the fruit of his loins.

And it came to pass that Methuselah prophesied that from his loins should spring all the kingdoms of the earth (through Noah), and he took glory unto himself."

So, Methuselah "took glory" in the fact that he was left behind for the Lord's purposes.  And I guess that's what makes all the difference.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels a little left behind sometimes, and wonders if the Lord has a reason for not catching him up.  In those situations, though, I know from experience that beating yourself up doesn't help, and neither does envy or impatience.  It is probably healthy in these situations to ask oneself whether one is where they are because of unworthiness, and if so, to make the necessary changes.  After we look at our lives, though, and resolve to improve where improvement may be needed--after we have dedicated ourselves to the Lord, and asked Him to make this trial to our benefit--the best we can do is do our best to be what we God has called us to be, and take glory in the blessings that will surely follow.

Missionary Month: Part IV - On Liberty

"And they entered into a covenant to fight for the liberty of the Nephites, yea, to protect the land unto the laying down of their lives; yeah, even they covenanted that they never would give up their liberty, but they would fight in all cases to protect the Nephites and themselves from bondage." -Alma 53:17 (emphasis added)

"...and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so longas there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land...And he said: Surely God shall not suffer that we, who are despised because we take upon us the name of Christ, shall be trodden down and destroyed, until we bring it upon us by our own transgressions." -Alma 46:13, 18

Eleven score and sixteen years ago, this country was founded upon the ideal that all men are created equal, and that " the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them" to certain inalienable rights.  Since then, many men and women have given their lives to the cause of maintaining this idea of liberty.  Some fought and died for it on the fields of what is now the Eastern US.  Others fought and died for it in the behalf of those who couldn't on the beaches of Normandy, and in the Pacific.  Men and women marched on Washington, staged sit-ins and protests for liberty and equality during the civil rights movement.

Still others have fought for it in less recognizable ways.  My parents were some of these; I was taught from a young age that it is a privilege to live in this country, and with that privilege come responsibilities, like serving in the community, voting, and working hard for the living I need.  Above all, I was always taught to revere the men and women who pioneered the way, and who purchased my liberty with their own blood and sweat, and to love America with all my heart.  We had a book/tape combination (now a thing of the past, I know) when I was small that sang a song to the effect of "Take your hat off and stand up when the flag goes by", because that's how you show your respect and love for America.  It's one of those things from my childhood that's stuck with me.

I've made no bones in the past about my feelings regarding the current state of things.  Today I was just as disappointed as ever.  My dad, my two little sisters and I went to the parade by our house.  We were late, and so we had to settle for a spot behind two rows of other people.  My sisters were totally engrossed in getting candy, which left Dad and I, neither of whom are talkers, really.  So, I mostly listened to the things people said around me.  More than once, I heard complaints regarding the "lack of patriotism", or the "commercial nature of these entries".  And yet, when the Classic Skating kids went by, it was all cheering and laughing, and when the several military floats went by? Utter silence.  That might be interpreted as a good thing, but when the military colorguards went by with the flag, guess who the only two people standing in my sight were.  If you guessed Dad and I, you got it.  And it's not like these people around me were too young to know what they ought to be doing-most of them must have been in their late thirties at least.  Add to that the conversation I had with my little sister on the walk home about why it is that no, stores don't always close today, because they can make money by being open, and lots of people don't get the day off, and you can see why I might be wondering if this is how the Founding Fathers would have us be celebrating their sacrifice.

The fact is, liberty may be something that every human being is entitled to, but it isn't something that comes automagically.  Liberty has already cost the blood of thousands of young men and women, as well as the tears of their mothers and families.  Freedom is not now, nor will it ever be free, because there is always someone looking to take it away.  I think most of us understand that, but the problem I see is that everyone is looking for someone else to come and stand up for them.  It's simply never worked that way.  Want more patriotism at the parade?  Stand up when the flag goes by.  Shout "God bless America" and mean it.  You want something?  Go work your tail off and get it.  That's always been the American Dream.

Don't get me wrong: I think America is still a great place to live, and there are a lot of people who are still trying to live the way I want to.  Most of them are probably doing better than I am at it.  I just think it's sad that today's meaning has been lost in the fireworks and commercialism.  After all, it's not just physical freedom from bondage that the revolutionary war brought us-because of the spiritual liberties allowed in this nation (which, by the way, are rapidly being eroded, thanks to the fact that some people's sensitivities are offended by the fact that others might consider what they are doing "wrong", whether the Laws of Nature and Nature's God say that they are wrong or not) the Restoration of the Gospel could occur, allowing us freedom from the spiritual bondage of sin.

The fact is, we stand in many ways on the brink of losing the liberties (including the religious ones that were the motivation for the movement of most of the groups that colonized the early US, by the way) that so many have died for, simply because we've grown fat, and lazy, and complacent.  We've reached a point where most people I know, when they're honest, know they ought to be doing something, but feel that they can't do enough.  That's true--this problem is one that requires personal responsibility; it takes everybody (or at least at lot of people) standing up to fix a problem like this.  So, let's start real simple: show some respect for the men and women who gave their lives so we could fly that flag.  Take your hat off and stand up when it goes by you, and teach your kids to do so as well.  Spend a little less time scoping out your place at the fireworks show, and a little more talking about why we have this holiday.  Then, if things don't change, please complain to me.

Missionary Month: Part III - Dealing with Darkness

"...and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces: and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it.

 And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this is the Lord; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation." -Isaiah 25:8-9 (KJV)

"No waters can swallow the ship where lies the Master of ocean and earth and skies" -Hymns, No. 105

Let's take a trip back in time, to Friday night, before the whole movie debacle, but after I'm hanging out with friends.  We take a walk.  Somehow, we get talking about the state of the world, and it just gets dark and scary and ooky for a while.  Finally, one friend has had enough.  She just doesn't want to think about it any more, and rightfully so.  We get back to her place, and the mood is still dark and she doesn't like it.  So, being the nice guy I am, I try to fix it.  "What can I turn the conversation to that will be happy?" I wonder to myself.  And then I blurt, "If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be?"

We have a relatively long and inconsequential conversation on the subject.  There's some laughter.  It works out ok, I guess.

Flash forward to this morning.  I'm eating my breakfast-I have the day off, and I'm excited that I get to go help a friend who's getting a house ready to move into (I got to use a nail gun...need I say more?), so I decide to start on my study as I eat.  I like to start off with a little something from the Ensign, because it's generally straightforward, very applicable, and easy to understand-it's like a spiritual warmup for the heavier stuff (like Alma 13) I'll be reading later on in the scriptures.  I pick the first article with a title that sticks out to me, "Facing the Future with Hope".  And it has a couple paragraphs that address this very concern-the feeling from Friday night:

One of today’s great challenges is learning to conquer fear and despair in order to overcome trials and temptations. It takes only a few moments for us to open a newspaper, scroll the web, or hear a news broadcast on radio or television to be confronted with distressing accounts of crime and natural calamities that happen every day.

Understanding the promises in scripture concerning how the Lord will conquer evil and how truth will conquer error can help us face the future with hope and optimism -Elder José A. Teixeira, Ensign, July 2012, "Facing the Future with Hope" (pp 15-17)

As I read those words, I begin to see in my mind a different way-a better way-of dealing with the darkness of the other night.  I begin to remember scriptures I've called upon before, in times of trial and fear, for the strength to go on.  Two, in particular, favorites discovered on the mission, stick out to me, and I wish that I'd shared them that night.  Both say essentially the same thing-that in the day of His Second Coming, Christ will wipe away the tears of those that have waited for Him.  They will be His people, and He will be their God (see Isaiah 25, and Revelation 17).

How would that conversation have gone differently if I'd confronted the darkness in the world with the hope presented by the Light of the World?  I'm not really sure.  But I'd like to find out.  The interesting part for me about this whole thing is this-as we discussed the darkness, it only got worse.  Sure, each of us felt we should do something, but what can one person possibly do against the onslaught that looms?  How can one person hope to make a difference against that?  And then as I read the scriptures this morning, and pondered what they said, I knew.  Sure, I'm only one guy, and maybe my stand against the darkness of the world will be insignificant.  But someone else out there wishing they could do something may just see it, and make a decision to do the same. According to another article I read in the Ensign yesterday, "Anytime we live a principle of the gospel more fully, someone else is blessed either directly or indirectly." (Russell T. Osguthorpe, "The Lesson is in the Learner" pp 30-33).  

Besides, when any man worthily stands against the darkness, whether he realizes it or not, I firmly believe he stands with the Lord, the God and Rock of Israel at his back.  It's possible we still will be rejected, hurt, maybe even made to cry, but in the end, when that day of reckoning comes, those who stood in spite of the temptation to despair, whose hope in Christ was stronger than their fear of failing, will find every tear wiped away in the joy of their Redeemer's love.  But the best news of all is that we don't even have to wait for that...As I read the words about the Lord wiping tears from the faces of the faithful, I couldn't help but think of Alma's words: that He suffered " pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind... that the word might be fulfilled which saith he [took] upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people." (Alma 7:11).  The fact is, He's already wiping tears from off the faces of His people; He already is their God, and they His people.  And He invites every one of us to come in, and be part of that-to come to Him and be healed.

Once, on my mission, just after a leader I had greatly admired had been transferred away, I found a note he had cleverly secreted in my suit pocket during a companion exchange.  On it? A scripture reference that I suppose sums up the way we have to deal with darkness and despair:

"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?" - Romans 8:31

Missionary Month: Part II - Mistakes

"weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning...Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;"
-Psalms 30:5 (King James Version)


I'm not entirely sure that this will be a daily thing for the entire month (if you missed what's going on with that, check out this post), but it could be.  As it turns out, I waste a lot of time on a lot of worthless stuff, so when you remove that, I have a lot of spare time; time I can use to do things I really want to-like write a journal, and study a ton of scriptures, which then leads me to want to share stuff.  Since I'm still working on the whole "recluse" thing, that means I'll probably come here for that.

Thursday night, I went to the temple with some friends.  It was good, as going to the temple ought always to be.  I had a lot of questions come to mind during the endowment, which is a bit unusual for me.  One thing that I have pondered a lot, and felt like I've never really gotten a satisfying answer on is the Fall (not autumn, silly, Adam).  It's not that the idea of Adam falling and us ending up in this state to be tested bothers me-I understand that part.  And I get that the Fall was necessary so that we could come to earth, and so that the Atonement could be provided.  I get that it puts us in a position where we have agency.  But somehow it just always seemed like we focus on it a lot more than we should for all of that.  I mean, every investigator has to be taught about the fall, usually the second time they meet with missionaries.  And it's a pretty big chunk of the text in that lesson.  On my mission, I always figured that this was because we had to teach people the correct way of viewing it, and help them understand that there is no such thing as "original sin", that men are to be held accountable for themselves and themselves alone.  And I think to a degree that was why we focused on it in the mission.  But that doesn't explain why some people have referred to is as one of the "Three Pillars of the Church", or why it's brought up so much in the scriptures.  I think there's more to it than that.

On Thursday night, as I pondered it, I came to a partial conclusion, but I still didn't fully understand.  I came to realize that the reason we talk about the fall so much is that we each have our personal "fall" moments, that we each have to step forth from the innocence of our personal Edens, and make mistakes, and that somehow there is an advantage in this.  I didn't get why, but I trusted the feelings I was getting, and sort of left it at that, hoping that somehow I would muddle out how to act on this knowledge later.  By the time we left the temple, I had largely set it aside, something to worry about later.  What I didn't know about that moment, that little tidbit of light, is that a loving Heavenly Father, who knows me better than I know myself, who wants the best for me, was preparing me for what would happen a little over 24 hours later, when I made the mistake of ignoring several promptings of the spirit that would have helped me avoid seeing a movie that left me feeling sick inside, and like I had betrayed the God I've covenanted to follow.

I came home that night, and one of the first things I did, in my haste to avoid ever feeling that way again, was to text one of the friends who invited me, and tell her I didn't think I could hang out with them any more.  And then I got on my knees, and I prayed...I prayed about a lot of things, and I told Heavenly Father about that text.  Immediately, I knew that had been the wrong thing to do.  As I told Him about the kind of man I wanted to be, I felt a gentle nudge in my heart--a question: "But how will you be that kind of man if you never spend time around other people?  How will you learn to say no when it's hard if you just withdraw from others all the time?"

Not finding any real good answers to that question, I went to bed, still troubled.  I woke up troubled.  I did my grocery shopping troubled.  And then, my wonderful little sister, who I had shared most of this with, because she's pretty much my best friend, although now that she's engaged, I barely ever see her, texted me these wise words--"personally I think making mistakes is the best if it causes change" (emphasis added).  And that's when I got it.  Does the mistake still hurt? Do I still wish I'd walked out of that movie?  You betcha. But in a way, my making that mistake was a good thing, because it finally pushed me over the edge into action.  I finally felt enough pain to drive me to make a real commitment to overcome a problem.  Just as it was better for Adam and Eve to Fall, so that they could grow, it is better for me to be putting myself out there with other people, where yes, I might make mistakes and do things that make me feel like a jerk, because how else do you learn how to stand up and say "enough is enough"?

Let me make the point I'm trying put forth very clear here:  I'm not saying that it's a good idea to knowingly walk into a situation that I know is going to end in me doing something I shouldn't.  In retrospect, knowing what I know now, I should have listened to my feelings.  I've learned that now, the hard way.  But sometimes that's the way that learning has to occur.  In order to get good at anything, one must start out being terrible at it; it's very rare that someone just picks something up and is awesome at it from the moment they start.  Perhaps such people exist, but I'm not one of them. 

So, I made a mistake the other night.  Does that mean I withdraw back into my antisocial bubble and live a life of solitude so that no one ever pressures me into doing something wrong?  Does it mean that I choose from now on never to spend any time with anyone who I have not first vetted to make sure that their standards and mine coincide?  I think not.  I think it means that I pick myself up, dust off, and get back out there, knowing now what I'm really up against, and ready to stand up to it the way I should.  Because Heavenly Father never meant for us to be recluses, or to spend our lives within the walls of the temple.  He meant for each of us to get out there into the dark, crazy, sinful world, and take a little of the temple with us, to lead each other to do the right thing and become more like him.  He knows we'll make mistakes-that point is moot.  The question is, do we learn when we fall?

The Missionary Month: Part I - The Challenge

Last night I hung out with some friends.  They're good people--people I genuinely enjoy being around.  We had a really good time for most of the night, went on a long walk, talked, etc.  It was nice.  And then we went to a 10:30 movie.  Which was a terrible idea.  From the time the idea was proposed, and the movie chosen, I felt like I shouldn't go.  But I caved.  And then, to make matters worse, I rode with someone else.  Long story short-I didn't walk out when I should have (which was about 30 seconds into the movie), and went home feeling terrible.  I cried myself to sleep, I felt that bad (yes, I'm willing to admit that.  Anyone think I'm less manly for it? Whatever).  I vowed I would never let that happen again.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I've let a lot of things creep in, and I've lost a lot of the confidence and things I gained on my mission.  And so I devised a plan.  A crazy plan.  Hopefully so crazy it just might work.  I call it the missionary month.  It's pretty simple, really.

Beginning tomorrow (July 1st 2012-the anniversary of the day a wise stake president reached out and changed the course of my life, by the way), I will be doing my best to go back to mission rules for a little while.  Of course, there are some things that I think need to be altered a little for my current lifestyle, but, for those of you who don't know, basically what this means is:

• Missionary schedule:  I'll probably be a little lax on this, but I will be in bed by 11, and up no later than 7, or there will be a reason why.
• Study: 1 hour per day.  No ifs ands or buts.  I'll relax the rules on study a little to include not only the missionary library (Jesus the Christ, Our Heritage, Our Search for Happiness, and True to the Faith), the standard works (Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price), and the Ensign, but will probably say that time outside of my regular hour is ok to spend reading other Church books.
• Media: No tv (pretty much already done), or movies (this will be more difficult) outside of Church videos.  All music should directly invite the Spirit and invite one to come unto Christ (this means it's back to a lot of MoTab...anyone with EFY CDs they'd like to share-I'd appreciated it).  My internet usage will be limited to updating the blog now and then, checking email as necessary for work and school, and functional use where it is absolutely necessary (ie finding out how to get somewhere, fix something, etc).  Notice that Facebook
• Dating: I will openly break mission rules and continue to actively make an effort to go on a date every week (after all, a stake president commanded it).
• Sharing the Gospel: I haven't decided on an exact metric for this, but I do feel like this is an opportune time to start opening my mouth.  I will at least make a more concentrated effort to go meet my neighbors.
• Attire: I will also flaunt this rule.  My dress will always be modest, but I'm not wearing a suit.  That being said, I may wear a long tie to church every week just to mess with people.

There will probably be more.  I'll update this blog as the month goes on.  I've felt pretty strongly that this is something I ought to share and put out there for others to try.  Why?  Well, I feel like a mission is a life changing experience for a lot of reasons-one of them is that on a mission one spends a pretty extended period of time away from all of the filth the world has to offer, which puts them in a position to see very clearly which things in the world are good, and which are bad.  One of my friends always says that I am very innocent.  She was impressed, apparently, by the fact that I was pretty much blushing and looking away, and extremely uncomfortable for the whole movie (which, by the way, was rated PG-13) last night.  I tried to explain (although I didn't do so well) that I wasn't always this way.  Not that long ago, I probably would have felt--well, not comfortable, I was never that deadened, but ok enough to go along with the other people with me who were just laughing and talking about how funny it was afterwards.  Luckily, when I came home from my mission, I saw the filth in a lot of things that I had liked (which that movie pretty much made look clean, to be honest), maybe even loved, before, and I decided I didn't want to be that guy any more.

So, I'm going to start off missionary month in missionary style-with an invitation.  Anyone-everyone-who reads this is personally invited to join me.  I don't care if  you've been home for a year, or ten years, or ten days (alright, ten day-er, I'll give you a pass.  You probably need to spend some time outside the scriptures for a while so you stop weirding ladies out), or even if you never served a mission.  My rules aren't the same as your rules might be-you need to decide that for yourself with where your life is right now.  So, will you join me?  I promise that if you do, you'll find a greater sense of spirituality in your life, and you'll remember what's really important.  And, who knows, maybe some of the rules will stick with you for more than a month... Any input, ideas, or experiences? Feel free to post in the comments.

Out of Time

"Oh, that I could have had my days in the days when my father Nephi first came out of the land of Jerusalem...then were his people easy to be entreated, firm to keep the commandments of God, and slow to do iniquity..." Hel. 7:7

About this time of year, when I was in the sixth grade, we had a concert.  I don't remember all the details, but I remember that everyone participated, and we spent time in class preparing for it.  Our theme?  America.  The culmination of the whole event was when we sang "God Bless the USA" to a standing ovation.  This was shortly before 9/11, so it was not a time of particular patriotism to speak of, but we filled the entire auditorium at the middle school next door to our little elementary school.  It was a big deal.  This isn't where I learned patriotism, but it's certainly one of the places that it was reinforced in my mind.

Fast forward eleven years to the present.  I'm at the movies on Tuesday night, watching the much anticipated Avengers.  It was awesome.  Ever since I saw Captain America and Thor last year, I've been super excited.  Arguably my favorite hero in this series of movies has been the Cap'.  He's kind of old fashioned, even for a guy from the '40s.  Even there he was different from other guys.  Here, he's just plain an oddity.  After the movie, the girl I went with (who fruitlessly keeps asking me what my favorite things are, not realizing that I am really bad at the whole "favorite" thing) asked what my favorite part of the movie was.  I replied that one of them was at one point when someone points out to Captain A. that he ought not to involve himself in a skirmish between Loki and Thor, after all, "they're basically gods."  Without missing a beat, Captain Rogers replies, "There's only one God, and I'm pretty sure He doesn't dress like that", and then throws himself into the middle of things.

The line was funny, and make no mistake, but it demonstrated something else.  See, in the movie, Rogers/America is portrayed as something of a throwback, "the real deal".  With his "spangly outfit", and his can-do attitude, he's the picture of old-timey patriotism.  And conflated in that is a certain level of religiousness, like it or not.

Tonight, I went to what, I suppose, would be the equivalent today of the concert we did when I was in sixth grade.  My littlest sister attends the same school I did.  It was held in the little cafe-gymna-torium at the school, and they didn't even bother opening the divider halfway back.  Even then, the room had more empty seats than full ones.  Where the majority of the school participated in the concert when I was there, this was a volunteer, extra-curricular choir that had probably thirty or so kids in it.  When they asked us to stand and sing the national anthem with the choir, I'm pretty sure my parents and I were the only members of the audience that I could hear singing.  Oh, and you'd better believe there wasn't a single mention of the word God in the whole performance.  There were the unavoidable references from those pesky founding documents that make some people so zealous to undermine the credibility of our founding fathers (you know, that bit about men being "endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights", and that part in the Bill of Rights that guarantees we can worship how we will), but for the most part, the concert skirted the issue of God.  And it showed. 

Don't get me wrong-it was a nice show, and I'm sure the kids put a lot of effort and heart into it.  It was thought provoking, and a nice expression of appreciation for the country we live in.  But something was missing; it didn't have the draw or the power that our concert did so long ago (and I know that wasn't because kids' singing skills have made any kind of change).  We invited our parents and grandparents and we filled the auditorium, and when we sang "God Bless the USA", I know that at least I felt something.

Like it or not, you have to admit that not that long ago, America was a very religious nation.  You have to deal with the fact that this nation's existence as we know it hinged upon immigrants seeking freedom to worship God as they liked, without fear of public condemnation for their beliefs.  You have to deal with the unlikely confluence of factors that led to a rebel force routing the greatest military of their age.  And then you have to deal with the fact that there's this somewhat uncanny temporal link between when the power of America to stand against its foes began to fade, and when the religious underpinnings of our society became the object of public disdain by those in the media.

Ironically, with the rise of the "hipster" movement, "retro" is in.  As long as it's about what you wear, or your mode of transportation.  If it's about who you actually are, though, forget it.  Morality is too old fashioned.  Openly talking about God might just offend someone.  No, the only people that are allowed to do that are the anti-religious ones.  And teaching your kids, not just letting them "decide for themselves", based on the facts that are "made available to them"?  That's indoctrination.  Unlike what the learned "experts" who decide our curriculum, media exposure, etc (and therefore the "facts" made available), are doing.  That's education.  Oh, and when someone blatantly lies about what Jesus says (or in the case I saw today, doesn't say) in the bible to support their "progressive" view, that's dandy; don't try to correct them by quoting His actual words, because that's "propaganda", and you should think before you just spout it.

I'm sure many of you have quit reading this rant by now.  That's ok.  I guess my point is, America is, and always has been, intertwined with a belief in the divine.  Moreover, in the religion that I believe in, it's stated that whoever would possess this land in freedom must "serve the God of the land, who is Jesus Christ..."  It's part of who Captain America is.  Many great scientists and leaders of industry and our nation did (and still do) it. 

This theophobia exhibited by so many is really a pretty recent development.  I don't intend to change because of it, just like I don't intend to change just because some (very "modern") people think a man opening a woman's door, or walking her all the way to her doorstep when it's late at night is sexist.  It's a part of who I am.  Call me old fashioned, if you like.  You wouldn't be the first one this week.

"he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness" (2 Ne 4:20)

This is an older post that I began writing one evening a week or two ago, and then fell asleep and never got back to.  Hence, when it says things like I'll be leaving my current job in a couple of weeks, no, I'm not crazy, and yes, I know my last day is Friday.

One evening late in my mission, my companion and  I were visiting the family of the Branch President in our area.  Their family was just fantastic-imperfect, like all of us, to be sure, but they were giving it their best go, and you knew it just from being around them.  As we left their home, I couldn't help but cry within myself, "I wish that I could teach a family like that!"  We were in the midst of a drought of people to teach.  Try as we might (and believe me, we did), we couldn't seem to get any kind of a progression from any of the people we taught.  We soldiered on resolutely, and shortly after my companion was transferred, the Lord reached out his hand to help.  Two of the most prepared, kindest, most wonderful people in the world seemed to just materialize out of nowhere, with a hunger in their souls, and a desire to do the right thing.  Not only did we missionaries love them, but we found that they seemed to love us, in a way that I found pretty much incomprehensible.  It was amazing.  The Spirit would later testify to me that the Lord's placing them in our path, specifically, was a direct result of my prayers and the desire that I felt that night at the Branch President's home.

This was when I began to really understand: the Lord loves His children, and just like any loving father, our Heavenly Father does want to give us not only the things that we need, but the things that we really, really want.  Insofar as they aren't bad for us, He will give them to us.  Even in cases where they aren't good for us, He sometimes allows them to teach us a lesson (think about Joseph Smith and the 116 lost pages).  Usually, I don't realize how merciful and kind these things are until after the fact.

For instance, about a week ago I accepted a summer internship opportunity with an engineering company in town.  Literally the day that I accepted it, I started receiving calls and emails about resumes that I had been sending out for months before.  This disturbed me somewhat at first, since I felt very strongly, both from my personal ideals, and from what I felt as I pondered it, that this was a job to take.  Why, I wondered, would the Lord keep me from at least looking at all the options before I responded?  A part of the answer came to me this evening as I was driving: it was what I had desired.

Let me sum up:

I love the job I have currently, and will be sad to leave it in a couple of weeks.  However, a month or so ago, my supervisor's supervisor decided that we ought to begin a rotating Sunday schedule.  Since I work for the Church, when I brought up my (legitimate) concerns about working on Sunday and/or missing all of my church meetings for work, my supervisor explained that the Brethren are aware of it, and it's the Lord's work to some degree.  I could see his point of view, but I felt very strongly: I have never worked a Sunday for any job I've worked before, and I felt like now was not the time to start.  The evening that the change was announced, I went home with this faith: if I would put forth my best effort to find another job where I wouldn't have to work Sundays, the Lord would make it possible for me to achieve my righteous desire.

At first, I was really excited, sending out a lot of resumes, sure I'd get a reply immediately.  But I didn't.  It seemed like I sent out dozens of them before I finally got a reply.  Just one reply.  That was all it took, though.  Before I knew it, I had an offer on the table for a great position doing things I love.  I was so excited that I didn't even think much of my earlier resolve.  And then the calls and emails started pouring back in from all the other resumes.  I didn't get it.

Until I was driving to my parents' house tonight: that's when it hit me.  I start the new job May 7.  The first Sunday I was scheduled to work at my current job: May 13 (the first Sunday after the job change).  The Lord, as He often does, took me right to the edge to test my resolve, but in the end, it worked out.  He is always aware--He knows the deepest yearnings of my heart and yours, and if we tell Him by word and by deed that we really want something, He's ready to help.

The Dating Dilemma

Author's note: As always, I do not intend to offend anyone with this post.  If it comes across as offensive to you, I do hope that you'll take it in the context of how it was meant: as one young man's feelings about his situation in life.

Here's the thing about dating: it turns out it's scary.  And unpredictable.  And impossible to get reliable data of any kind.  I mean, as an engineering student, I'm quite used to going out and trying to build empirical models of things that simply have too much complexity to model theoretically, but this one is simply over my head.

See, here's the thing (and maybe I shouldn't be posting this online where lots of people can see it, but whatever):
 Tonight we had a Stake Home Evening activity: square dancing.  It was a lot more fun than I anticipated, probably mostly because they basically conscripted everyone into participating.  Also, I managed somehow to get paired with this very pretty, kind young lady for most of the evening.  She seemed pretty swell, and I really wanted to catch up with her after the dancing (which is pretty hectic, and leaves little time for chatting, it turns out) was over, maybe try to set up a date, so I could get to know her better.  Unfortunately, as soon as the closing prayer was said, I caught one glimpse of her, and then she was gone.  Which left me with something of a dilemma.  Part of me said to just write it off and move on with my life, maybe hoping that we'll bump into each other at another activity or something.  Another part, however, (the go-getting, "Never give up! Never surrender!" part), said, hey, you have her first name and which ward she's in--why not look her up and just give her a call? What do you really have to lose?

This dilemma was further complicated, however, when I discovered that there were three girls with her same first name listed in the ward.

So, I guess here's the thing about dating: most of us guys are often left painted into this corner where we have to try to make a decision all of the time when we try to ask girls out.  See, some parts of society (romantic comedies, fairy tales, etc) seem to imply that the right kind of guy is persistent; he would scour a kingdom trying to find the girl whose foot fits in a certain slipper, or knock every door on a street in London looking for a specific girl if that's all the address he had.  He takes the information he has, and acts on it. 

On the other hand, though, we're constantly bombarded with complaints about guys who are "creepers", and the only line of differentiation that seems to exist is whether or not the attention a guy is giving a girl is desired...if she likes him, then he is attentive, and persistent.  If she doesn't like him, then he's a creeper.  And none of us want that.

Do you see the pickle that leaves us in?  Every time I go to ask a girl out, I have to ask myself whether I've talked to her enough times, whether I'm willing to risk whatever friendship we might have, whether she'll spread some kind of rumor about me being a total doofus who can't take a hint.  Most of the time for first dates, this isn't a terribly high risk, since I tend to ask mostly girls I don't know very well, but if it's gotten to the point of a second or third date (I've never been on a fourth, fyi), I start to have to wonder whether they're simply saying yes because they feel obligated, or whether they're actually interested in dating me; whether they're dropping hints that I'm not picking up on that should be saying "leave me alone!"

I've been lucky enough to generally associate with ladies who have been very kind and graceful towards me, but may I just say: ladies, do be kind.  We guys may come across as dumb or goofy, or maybe even a little creepy at times, but you have to realize that we don't know!  For instance, if I was to call all three of the girls with the same name in this other ward, it's completely uncertain from my point of view whether I'd get permanently labelled by all of them as a creeper, or whether it would be the kind of thing that would buy me points in all of their books.  Odds are good that there would be varying reactions to this from all women. Which means that us guys are left to give this thing our best shot, and then just put ourselves at your collective mercy.

So, I'll say it again: ladies, do be kind.

Thoughts on the Church/Corporation Relationship

For those readers not native to Downtown Salt Lake:
Recently the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints invested in developing a mall right next to Temple Square.  This has led, among some, to controversy about the Church's "for profit" ventures, and the corporate aspects of the Church.  This controversy is generally limited to those who would be opposed to anything that any religion has ever done; however, since this is something of a sore spot for some, and since most of the information (as is generally the case) that is being spread the loudest is generally of a negative nature, I felt like it would be a good idea to try to explain some of the reasoning behind what is going on here.  In no way should my views be construed to represent the official position of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  They are purely my own, although I feel they are founded soundly both in the doctrines of Christ, and in logical reasoning.  To those "That make a man an offender for a word...and turn aside the just for a thing of nought" (Isaiah 29:21), you're welcome not to read.  Nobody's forcing you.

To those who are upset about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' involvement in the City Creek venture and other "for profit" ventures, and/or who feel such involvement is hypocritical, may I point out a few things:

1) Take a walk down main street sometime.  Look at the businesses and services offered there.  Generally speaking, there's not much to speak of that's worthwhile in the way of "wholesome family activity". Further, might I point out that Harmon's is pretty much the only game around for some of us in terms of grocery shopping (meaning that there really wasn't anything before the City Creek project).  While City Creek may be making a profit, it is also beautifying and providing services in an area that most investors seem unwilling to make an effort.  In fact, the Church has waited years to invest there, hoping someone else would make the effort.

2) When it comes to "for-profit" ventures seeming to defy the words and example of Christ, could I just point out the parable of the talents?  Christ deplored people taking what was given to them and simply burying it; He taught self reliance, and "taking the initiative"...I, for one, am pleased to see that the Church is taking my tithing money, and investing it, in a manner that means that the most good will come from it, since they are investing it in ways that both aid communities, and give back to the Church coffers.  The alternative, for those of you who don't know, would be that the Church ask extra donations of every local member in order to build every Church building, requiring much of the cost of local meeting houses and temples at the hands of those who live around them.  What this would translate to is lots of nice Church buildings and temples in areas where Church member population is dense, and the people are well off (read: America, and especially Utah), but no Church buildings or temples to speak of, or much lower quality buildings in places (like my beloved India) where the people simply cannot afford the same kinds of donations.

3) To those concerned that the Church leaders are spending all of their time on ventures like this, and are "too busy to answer questions from the media", as someone put it: these concerns are not run directly by the Apostles or the Presidency.  Walk into an LDS distribution center some time, and take a look at the cash register.  They may not have the signs any more, but there used to be a sign at every register that said "Please make checks payable to the Corporation of the Presiding Bishopric".  The Presiding Bishopric is responsible for the handling of all of the temporal (meaning worldly--ie paying for buildings, managing business ventures, etc) affairs of the Church.  While members of the Quorum of the 12 and of the First Presidency of the Church were probably involved in the final approvals, at the end of the day the bulk of the work on things like this falls to the Presiding Bishopric.

I could continue to cite why I feel no qualms about ventures like this, but I suppose at the end of the day, it really won't matter to most.  Those who seek a place to argue and bring down will always find something to latch onto.  For those, however, who are members of the Church, and who do feel misgivings, may I point out another two things:

1) Men (and women) are fallible.  Although the Church is led and organized by a perfect God, soemtimes the people He delegates to make mistakes and are imperfect.  As it turns out, so do I, and, unless I'm very mistaken in assuming that at least one non-resurrected human being will read this, so do you.  Take it for what it is.

2) This Church is based upon modern revelation, both to individual members, and to its leaders.  If you have misgivings about what your leaders are doing, may I suggest that in almost every case I've observed, the problem has been with the objector, rather than the leader.  When we take the actions of righteous, inspired men to be offensive or hard, generally it bespeaks something about the strength of our testimony of the organization of the Church.  Are leaders fallible? Certainly.  Does the Lord generally allow men and women to be called to prominent leadership positions in the Church, knowing their hearts, and knowing that they would lead His Church and His children astray? Generally no. 
To me, this falls under basically the same head as accepting callings: if I have an issue with the calling that the Lord is offering me through His duly appointed servants, this indicates more to me a lack of testimony and faith on my side than it does a lack of revelation on the leader's side.  So, I guess what I'm saying is, before you go criticizing the leaders of the Church, look critically at the strength of your own testimony, and ask yourself where you stand spiritually.  As Nephi said to his brothers so many years ago when he found them disputing the revelations of their spiritual leader, "Have ye inquired of the Lord?" (1 Ne 15:8).

Thoughts on the American Dream

Author's Note: this post may offend some.  If my words seem insensitive, I apologize; however, I do not apologize for my opinions, as I feel they are founded in sound logical, economical, and spiritual reasoning.

“The Roman people need fed!”
The unemployed masses all pled
“We’re too busy, don’t work us!
We must see the Circus!”
I wonder—who’s making the bread…? " -Raymond Walther  (That's right.  I did that)

For the past several weeks, I think, this has been trying to work its way out.  It first really dawned on me as I walked from the Institute to the engineering building (approximately 1 mile, by the way).  See, the thing is, I don't have the funds to pay for a parking pass that would allow me to park at the engineering building, but I don't mind; this way, I force myself to get to Institute every week, and I get a fair bit of exercise.  But I digress.

During my (often several) daily walks between the engineering building and the Institute, I have a lot of time to ponder.  A point of especially serious concern is usually the problems faced by our generation, and how I plan to prepare my own family to withstand them.  One morning, a couple of weeks ago, it really hit me: the American Dream is our problem.

Well, that's not exactly true.  I'm not really sure when I first came to understand the meaning of the American Dream, but I recall a teacher explaining it when I was in third or fourth grade: that in America, a man (or woman) can be whatever they want, have whatever they want, if they're willing to work hard enough at it.  Somehow, though, I think our society was only half listening, and only caught the "In America, you can have whatever you want" part.  Then, they conflated "can have" with "should have", and then further conflated that with "deserve".  And thus we find ourselves today.

Most of the young men and women I meet at college seem to have the same attitude: find the easiest degree for them to obtain, and then get a job where they can pretend to be working 8 hours a day, and get paid for it.  Few people that I meet seem concerned with creating actual value through their labor nearly as much as they are with making money.  Take, for instance, the way that my concerns about poorly edited/poorly written contemporary literature are generally met with the argument, "But it sure made them a lot of money!"  The question is, if we're all sitting around getting overpaid to do little or no work, where is the value of money at all?  Someone somewhere must actually be producing things worth buying, or we wouldn't want the money to buy things with.  Eventually, though, the industrious few who support the lazy many will say, "Enough!", and then it will be a real pickle, because nobody will be eating at all.

In other words, let me break this down: if you can't afford it, save your shekels, don't try to buy it on someone else's dime (and that's what you're doing when you accept "the government's money", because that money was taken from someone else's paycheck); you don't deserve a big house, a car, a yard, or anything else just for the sake of the fact that you're alive.  I know families that live quite happily without owning any of those things. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for helping people out who need help, but I'm not for giving them everything that they think they need without requiring anything of them in return.  In the words of Christ, "the laborer is worthy of his hire." (Luke 10:7, emphasis added). I think too often we're so trained by the world and by our own flesh to avoid work, that we forget the real enjoyment and fulfillment that it brings.  The fact is, when we "help" others by handing out to them every little thing that they want, we deprive them of the most fundamental human right that they ought to be entitled to: self respect.  So, even if it means paying out of pocket for medical expenses because government funded insurance is too expensive for people who actually try to work it out; even if it means not owning my own home for a good long time; even if it means that I make less money than some other students I know simply because I actually have a job; even if it means making a lot of my own stuff (which, by the way, is way more fun, and cooler, anyway) because I can't afford things--I'll work it out.  Because, it turns out, half of the meaning of achieving the American Dream is being able to look back and say, "I did that.  Maybe I am worth a darn after all."

"Why seek [we] the living among the dead?" (Luke 24:5)

 "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

It is not often that I have dreams that I recall.  It is even more infrequent that I have dreams so vivid that when I awake I find myself still emotionally, if not physically, engrossed in the dream's content.  This morning was one of those.

I do not recall the exact details of most of the dream, but I remember there was a young boy, entangled in the harness of a parachute, dangling in the air and begging for help.  I and another helped him escape his entanglement.  No sooner had we done so than the boy immediately produced a small package from somewhere, and began to check its contents.  The package was clearly labelled as pornography, and the boy carefully checked its contents, labeling each thing within the package to be sure they were all there.  I and my companion (I really don't remember who this person was) begged the boy to be rid of it, told him that it was not a precious thing, but was in fact filth that ought to be cast aside.

At first, he would not listen, but the longer we pleaded, the more clear it became that the boy did want to be rid of it, but felt he could not; to do so was impossible.  When I awoke, I awoke concerned with how to convince this boy: there is no hole too deep, no addiction too powerful that Christ cannot reach in and help us up.  I have experienced his Atoning power to heal and help personally; his path may not seem easy at first, but the longer I seek to remain on it, the more I realize that the labors of Christ are so much better than the heartache and pain of laboring in sin.  Shortly before the culmination of His Atoning sacrifice, Christ told his disciples, "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33).  His power over sin and addiction is as real as His power over death and over the elements.  He is ready and waiting to help any who will but reach for His outstretched arm.

So, this Easter morning, with so many great men who have endured tribulation for His name's sake, and many who still do, I testify of this: He is the Rock and the Redeemer of Israel, and He is risen, the Son of the Living God.  His power is as real today as it ever was before.  As angels testified to the women of old at the tomb on that morning so long ago: "Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus...He is not here: for he is risen, as he said." (Matt 28:5-6)

Thoughts on heroism

"Silence implies consent"

The thought came to me this morning--as thoughts often do.  I mulled over it for quite some time, trying to find its essence, to understand it, to come to terms with what it really meant.  It's frustrating, sometimes, seeing, thinking, knowing exactly what it is that you want to express, and yet it comes out flawed.  No matter how many drafts I try at this, I doubt greatly that this will be any more than a shadow of the profundity that occured to me this morning.  To some, it may seem pedestrian, a non-issue.  Take it for what it's worth.

I've been studying the book of Mormon (as in the book written primarily by the Prophet Mormon, not the larger abridgement, of which it is a part) lately.  Every time I read it, I can't help but be struck by the plight of Mormon and Moroni: alone, the last followers of Christ among their people.  In institute a couple of weeks ago, my teacher posed the worthy question: what do you do in that situation? When it's lonely and scary to do the right thing, how do you keep on going?

As I got into the shower this morning, at least a part of the answer seemed to dawn on me unasked for:

In Mormon 8:35, Moroni says:

Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing.

The Lord showed him our day--showed him the followers of Christ in the Latter-days who would be reading the things that he and his father (and so many of his ancestors) sacrificed so much to protect and bring forth for us.  And that's the thing: true heroism, the real deal, it's never about the hero, or the odds that face him.  Mormon got the Nephites to stand boldly by recalling to them the lives of their wives and their children (Mormon 2:23); Captain Moroni's title of liberty focused primarily on reminding the people that they fought for their religion, and for their families.  Perhaps the greatest examples of courage in all the scriptures are the stripling warriors, of whom it was said "they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives" (Alma 56:47)

I think that's what really motivates men to righteous courage.  It's the difference between a hero and just a regular schmoe.  To a hero, it's not nearly so important how many people stand against him as it is how many people depend upon him; no cost to himself--even if it be his own life--is too high, no obstacle insurmountable if it means he can aid the people that he loves.

Where are such men and women in our days?  It seems to me that increasingly people (including myself) base their judgements of good or bad upon what the world says is right and good.  The world screams that we ought not to "indoctrinate" children with religion, but rather teach them to "think for themselves", by allowing them to do whatever the world tells them is a good idea.  Too often I am told that a movie or book is "good" by people who claim the same standards as I hold, only to find it abhorrent (and generally poorly written).  Then, when I seek to voice my opinion, I find myself confronted on every side, and more often than not by those (again) who ought to stand beside me.

Don't get me wrong-I don't have all the answers.  I certainly don't feel like I'm perfect.  I fall short more often than not.  Yet I look upon our generation, and I'm filled with concern as I watch men and women simply accepting whatever dreadfully icky course of entertainment the world would place before them, and then behaving as though I am the one in the wrong when I refuse to consume unquestioningly, simply based upon the fact that it's "popular."

So, to those whom I care about and offend often, know this: I say what I do because I care.  When I speak with intesity and passion, it's most often because I feel like the things I'm saying are falling upon deaf ears, and I'm frustrated.  I apologize for sometimes allowing my emotions to control me, but I will not apologize for the views that I present when they are firmly founded in things that you and I both claim to believe.

"I give unto men weakness..."

Ether 12:27

I really, really like music.  And I especially like listening to music in my car.  I know, right now, you're probably wondering what that has to do with the title.  You'll figure it out; you figured out solid mechanics (if not, check out this and/or this), after all...you must be smart folks (or just gluttons for punishment, like I am).

So, about that title...

Last week, my ward was reorganized somewhat, to include many new members from another ward.  In reaction to this, our bishop decided that he would teach a combined Priesthood/Relief Society class this past week.  The topic: faith.  First of all, can I just say that my bishop is awesome?  That lesson gave me enough food for thought for weeks, and I missed about half of it.  "How," you may ask, "if this lesson was so wonderful, did you miss so much of it, Raymond?"

I wasn't asleep, if that's your concern.  I only do that during school classes...

No, the reason that I missed half of the lesson is that something he said was so thought provoking that it took me quite some time to capture what I gathered from it in a manner that I felt was satisfactory.  It was something he's said before, but it was like it just clicked right then.

He was discussing barriers to developing the rare, miraculous, great faith that is so needed in the Church and in our lives, and came to Ether 12:27 (Ha! told you I'd get to the title):

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

After we read it, there was some discussion on the verse.  It was far from innovative; most everyone in the room had probably read the verse loads of times, and been lectured on it in Seminary or Institute or Sunday School or on a mission at least once.  And yet, when the bishop brought it back around to the point he was trying to make, it was a point that I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone else make:

Most of us seem to read that verse and see weakness as negative; we think of all of the things that we hate about ourselves, the things we wish that we could change, all the stupid things we say and do all of the time, etc.  And those are weaknesses, it's true.  The thing is, though, we seem to miss one very important word in there: God says that he gives us weakness.  In a sense, then, our weaknesses are, in fact, gifts from God--a part of this mortal experience that is necessary to our progression.

Like I said, I'd heard the bishop speak about this before.  But this time, it just clicked in a way that I had never really thought of before.  Because the things is, God doesn't only ask us to lay aside our weaknesses to follow him.  He asks us to bring everything that we have, everything that we are, and lay it at his feet. 

In The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis, the narrator is given something of a tour of heaven by an angel named George MacDonald.  In the course of their tour, the narrator watches as one woman, whose son we gather died very young, rejects even the help of her own brother (now in angelic form) because all she can think of is seeing her son again.  She cites the love of a mother, and pleads, implores, and finally demands that she be shown her son again before she is willing to do anything to qualify to enter.  In the end, her attachment would have her see her son join her in hell, rather than be separated from him. 

Immediately thereafter, the narrator watches as another man, plagued by lust (embodied in the form of a lizard whispering in his ear), finally lets go of his weakness, allowing angelic help to "kill" it.  Much to the narrator's surprise, however, the lizard does not disappear, but rather grows, until it becomes a magnificent stallion.  The man, now angelified, takes the reins of the extraordinary beast, mounts it, and as one they ride off into heaven. 

The narrator is justifiably perplexed, upon comparing these two scenes.  After all, is not love one of the noble emotions?  Ought not a mother be allowed to love her child?  Certainly this is not to be compared with the base lust of the man.  In reconciling the disconnect, George MacDonald explains to Lewis's narrator, "Nothing [in our nature], not even the best and noblest, can go on as it now is.  Nothing, not even what is lowest and most bestial, will not be raised again if it submits to death...Flesh and blood cannot come to [heaven].  Not because they are too rank, but because they are too weak. What is a lizard compared to a stallion?" (I don't think he's suggesting that men don't enter the presence of God with bodies, but rather that just as our bodies must be changed to withstand the glory of God, so must our natures)  He then asks, "if the risen body of appetite is as grand a horse as ye saw, what would the risen body of maternal love or friendship be?"

I guess that last is really the part that resonated.  Sort of. 

What I realized Sunday is that Heavenly Father is going to ask each of us to sacrifice things that are good things, things that we could feel justified in desiring in for our lives.  Without a real trust in God, these sacrifices can sometimes be harder than sacrificing something that is part of our nature but we don't like.  If the Lord hadn't blessed me with so many weaknesses and abhorrent character flaws that I really want His help in overcoming, then I'd have an even harder time than I do working through the other things He asks me to give up.

Grassroots politics, or, the Reason that Citizens Feel Powerless

"It's nothing personal...I just think you're nuts." -My thoughts as I cast my ballot tonight

I love going to caucus meetings.  For awhile now, my dad's been the chair in our precinct, and so from before the time I could vote, I was forced to be involved.  There was no question about my going tonight--even when my roommate had tickets to the Jazz game, and offered me one.

When I got to the elementary school where the meeting was to be held, there were three other people in the room, but by the time it was over, there were probably twenty.  That was a lot for this precinct, although if you think about the fact that there are over a thousand people in the precinct, it becomes somewhat sad.

The main topic of discussion: Orrin Hatch.  For the most part, the people running for state delegate (ie the people who get to go to the state convention and actually vote for who the Republican candidates in the national senate and congress, and the state governor races will be) seemed to hold a similar opinion to my own: he's been there more than long enough.  We need some new blood; on the other hand, though, change simply for the sake of change brings...well, it usually doesn't bring good change.  I chose not to run (sorry, Dad), because it seemed like a couple of the candidates were very reasonable, thinking, not crazy people.

And then there was the guy next to me.

Let me preface this: unlike most of the people there, I actually did do some homework before I went into the meeting.  Most of the candidates against Hatch are running a straight "No excuses! No compromise!  Ammend the constitution to make our way the only way!" campaign; while I think their intentions are good, most of them downright scared me with how extremist they were.  Even if they didn't, I'm experienced enough with people (believe it or not, I do talk to them sometimes) to realize that a "my way or the highway" approach never wins out unless it's backed by total fear of what "the highway" actually entails.  This is especially a problem considering that the main concern in voting out Hatch is the loss of what clout he's gained by being in office so long (clout that a brand new senator from Utah who refuses to even listen to other people probably won't ever have). 

So, when the guy sitting next to me started his pitch for delegacy with something along the lines of "So and so mentioned wanting to pick people who can compromise, but isn't compromise essentially selling out our values?  I really like how some of the candidates running against Hatch really aren't going to compromise."  the little red lights started flashing in my mind, and the words of my father (if you don't run for state delegate, some crazy person will!) rang in my ears.  Because the thing is, I don't really want to elect crazy, unreasonable people, no matter what they say they'll do; I'm much more comfortable voting for someone who is reasonable and not ready to sell what we have right now up the river for any kind of "change".

Then, on top of everything else, when they handed out our slips, and instructed us to write down our vote, he leans over to me, making me feel like he's going to read my ballot, and says "So, you're going to vote for me, right?" I'm not sure if he was trying to pressure me, or if he was really just that deluded, that he felt like a sure winner.  Either way, my reply was, "It's a secret ballot."  Which, of course, meant, "No, I'm voting for one of the three other people who isn't a nutter..."

It's interesting to me, really, the way that we can get so caught up in trying to do what we feel is right that sometimes we forget that we're human, and we can make mistakes.  I had a conversation with a friend recently, in the which he argued that it's a good thing to be "stubbornly righteous."  He meant by that that we ought to be unwilling to yield when someone tries to get us to do something wrong, which I agreed with, but it scares me when people think that way.

See, I just finished reading The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis (I highly recommend it), and I've been reading in Mormon and Ether in The Book of Mormon; the message I've been getting from all of them is embodied by Lewis's words, "There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says in the end, 'Thy will be done.'  All that are in Hell choose it." (pg 75 in the Barnes and Noble Edition)  or in Isaiah's, "Wo be unto him that shall say:...we have enough!" (as quoted in 2 Ne 28:29).  There's strength in coming together, and hashing out a problem to get the best solution (or at least a really good one, since engineering school keeps teaching me that most solution sets are infinite), even if that really just means going with the idea that you had to begin with.  Sometimes, it's the tiniest tweaks to a plan that really make the difference.

And I guess that was what the caucus was really about.  We got together as members of a community, and we sat and discussed for a while about what we really felt like needed to happen.  Then we set things in motion to make them happen.  It turns out that we're not alone; we have communities, and we can get together, and make stuff happen, if we'd all just get over our "I have to be a hero and do it alone" syndrome.  There's a time and a place for that, but where there are others genuinely trying to work for the same stuff as us, that's just crazy talk.  I, for one, feel a little more like I have some real power in this democracy thing.

Author's note: if you want to talk to me about politics, my first question from now on will be "Did you go to your caucus?"

"if God so clothe the grass of the field..."

(3 Nephi 13:30)

There's a lot of things I've been wanting to post lately, but my life's been just a bit busy.  Not to mention, they're complicated, and I'm not sure I can do them justice... Most of the time when I do anything artistic, I feel like the five year old who has this beautiful dream of a sculpture, and then ends up with sort of lumpy clay thing.  Such is life, I suppose.

I was asked once, long ago when I was a pre-mission, dorm-dwelling college freshman in my very first YSA Ward, what my favorite season is.  I'm very poor at choosing favorites, and on the spot, in front of everyone at ward prayer, I just sort of said I didn't know.  "I live indoors," was my excuse.  The truth is, it's more complicated than that--how do you pick a favorite season?

What I do have is favorite moments.  Like today, walking from the Engineering building across campus to my car.  The mountains on my left were capped with snow, but off to my right, the sun was beaming clearly down.  The air was cool and crisp, in a delicious sort of way, and every now and then, as I stepped out of the shadow of a building, the sun would hit me with its warmth.  I couldn't help but think that spring is on its way.  True, Utah weather will probably make it a frozen wasteland 24 hours from now, but it wasn't just a physical spring I was thinking of. 

Sometimes, right now feels like the coldest, wintriest, time of my life.  Not that I hate winter; after all, there's Christmas, and sledding, and that delicious moment when your car heater is warm, and the world around you is just frozen, and you know you have to get out, but it just feels so nice.  Still, though, winter can be hard.  There's ice, and snowstorms, and that long, cold walk across campus when you realize you probably should have worn thermals.  Sometimes, especially here, it seems like winter will never end.

And then there's a day like today, and I'm not really sure which I want to win; the cold air is delicious, but so is the sun.

I suppose there's a lesson in all this.  I didn't really set out to write a post about my favorite kind of weather...
Our days are filled with these beautiful moments, but usually we just don't even see them.  We're too busy complaining about the wind to remember that wonderful feeling where you feel, just for a moment, like the hero on the hilltop with the wind whipping at your cape (yeah, ok, I'm probably the only one that feels that way when it's windy).  Too often, I get so caught up in what I need to get done or the responsibility that sits on my shoulders, and forget that "men are that they might have joy" (2 Ne 2:25).  And then, I think, the Lord makes days like today, just to remind me: He cares.

A poem

I know, this is the second post in two days.  Don't judge me.  I miss writing, and this is convenient.
 
I have an old friend who once told me that sometimes, when she had very strong emotions, they usually were best expressed in the form of poetry.  I thought that was ridiculous.  I told her that I always think in prose.  And then those words came back to bite me.

Anyway, this is one of the many poems that have sort of spontaneously written themselves in my head.  It's probably not terribly good, so all of you writing critics out there, feel free to have at it if you want.  Basically, back story wise, I went to the temple on Saturday, and was supposed to meet a bunch of my friends from the old (Sigma Gamma Chi) fraternity days.  I got there at 9:30 thinking we were doing the 10 o'clock session, and then ended up sitting in the chapel for a total of 1.5 hours before the three of us that were actually there went on a much later session.  It was really great, and I don't blame anyone for not being there or anything like that.  I guess I'm just obsessed with heroism, and so I couldn't help but put myself in the place of one of these guys in a Lord of the Rings type story, waiting for those men of his alliances to show up to his aid in the battle against the forces of darkness.  So, anyway, here you go:

Too few are rallied
Too many lost
The battle 'gainst evil's terrible cost
 Naught but the vanguard
of the forces of old
And twice as weary
and half as bold
 Yet, to stand these are gathered
And stand we will
In life and in death
Our duties fulfill
 And hope in the power
That's saved men before
For the light we shall stand
in the strength of the Lord
 

"because of their yielding their hearts..."

(Hel 3:35)

Today, as I left work to go to my parents' house for a quick visit (largely motivated by the Star Wars lunch box that I had shipped to their address), it finally all came crashing down on me.  I left the house before 6 this morning to pick up supplies for a project, had spent virtually all of my free time today (from 7:30 am to 2 pm) coding, and it still was not working right.  Tomorrow I have a homework assignment due, and a test, and another test the next day, and...well, it just doesn't get any better.  Probably won't until May, when the semester's over.  In my mind, I made a very nerdy joke to myself--in engineering, we'd say I'd reached the state of plastic stress.

Let me explain.

No, it takes too long; let me sum up.

For those of you not experienced in strength of materials, first, I'll need to define some terms.  Stress is the internal force within an object, divided by the initial cross sectional area of the object.  Strain is defined as the elongation of an object due to a force, divided by the original length.  These are essentially non-dimensionalized values which are used to define material intrinsic behavior, such as a material's strength, stiffness, and toughness.

Great.  So now you're really bored and have no idea what I'm talking about. 

Basically, for most materials, and especially for metals, the early region of a stress-strain relationship (that is, for low stresses and low strains) is linear, or nearly so.  As stress increases, however, eventually one reaches the material's yield point, where the linear relationship breaks down.  The linear region before the yield point is generally referred to as the elastic region, whereas after the yield point it's called the plastic region.

So what? Well, when you stress a material up to any point before its yield point, it makes no real difference in the long run.  It just snaps right back to its original shape, like a spring, when you release it.  However, as anyone who has played with springs can attest, if you pull it too hard, it just won't ever snap back the same.  That's the way I felt this afternoon-I've dealt with a lot of stress as an engineering student, and I've always managed to snap back once the semester's over without feeling damaged; this evening, though, I felt like there was no way I'd get out of this unscathed.

And that's when it hit me:
See, taking things past their yield point isn't always about breaking them.  When you do take them past that point, whatever stress you've exposed them to effectively becomes their new yield point.  Not only that, but sometimes the shape something comes in isn't the one you need it to be; sometimes the only way to get it to be what you want is forging it into a new shape--taking it well beyond its normal shear strength.

Aren't we all a bit like that?  The shape we're in now isn't exactly the one that it ought to be.  We have character flaws, weaknesses; we all fall short of where our Heavenly Father would have us be.  He wants to help us become more than we are right now, but sometimes that takes pushing us beyond what we would normally think of as our limits, taking us to the point where, like an engineering material, we finally yield to the Hands that would shape us.  It's uncomfortable, but if it wasn't, if we weren't pushed beyond our limits sometimes, then I wonder if like an elastically loaded sample we wouldn't just snap back to exactly who and what we were before the Lord put the stress on us in the first place.  Realizing this didn't really make my situation any less stressful, but it did bring me some degree of peace, knowing that, as always, He is in control.

Might I add a final thought?  The trick with forging and cold working a material to change its strength or shape has to do with understanding its properties.  With people, though, we get to choose some of these.  We get to decide if we'll be like cast iron, which never really yields before it simply snaps, or if we'll be like a soft plastic, ready to bend any which way the instant that any hand is set to us.  I don't think either of these extremes (pure stubbornness, or simply wavering all the time) are the right answer.  Rather, as almost always is the case, steel is a good choice, with a nice balance of the ability to withstand low stresses without damage, and the ability to yield itself to a wise, experienced hand, and be shaped into something useful.

Things as they really are...

This is an older post that I finished, but never posted, on the 31st of Jan.

I suppose I ought not to post so much about the uncertainty I feel about the world...  I'll try to make my next post more positive.

I am growing increasingly concerned about the media I allow myself to view, and/or listen to.  Don't get me wrong--I'm usually pretty good at not watching or listening to things that have sexual or profane content.  I'm worried about more subtle things.  For instance, there's a television show that I had been really enjoying, up until about a week ago.  That's when I started to realize everything that was wrong with it.  Firstly, it was pretty violent, and somewhat graphic in its depictions of the violence.  That's what finally turned me away from it--it just got too bad.  As I thought about it, though, I realized there was an equally large concern that had not triggered the alarm bells that maybe it should have.

The show focused on the life of a man.  A large part of this man's life was a woman.  They had a very loving relationship.  There was nothing graphically sexual or anything like that in the depiction of the relationship, although it was clear that they were, shall we say "involved".  The problem was, although they weren't married, the way they were depicted was exactly like they were.  There was no distinguishable difference between them and a married couple, except for the fact that they were not married.  Essentially, it was as if the show was saying "marriage is unimportant! love is important!"

But it didn't end there!  I brushed that show off as something that I could just no longer watch.  And then, last night, I was watching another show that I enjoyed as well.  In the show, the characters have been torn from their normal life as fairytale characters into our world in the present day.  They are each put in a situation which makes it impossible for them to be happy.  Two of these characters are a princess and her prince charming.  The problem: in our world, charming is married to someone else.  Even though they have no memory of their real life, the two have feelings for each other they can't explain or ignore, but his marriage keeps "getting in the way".  I could justify myself watching the show, though, since this wasn't a main theme, and it certainly wasn't going anywhere dangerous.  Until I was watching it last night.  That's when our princess finally (huzzah!) told the prince that it just couldn't work out between them; after all, he was married, and his wife thought she was pregnant.  Morality!  Until they both realized the wife wasn't pregnant, and the episode ends with the prince and princess (who simply cannot control what they feel for each other, even though they try to avoid each other) kissing in the street.  I mean, marriage only counts if your wife is pregnant, right?

All around us, there are similar lies being told.  These ones were blatant enough and went far enough for me to finally notice them outright, but there are subtler ones that we invite into our homes through music, television, movies, maybe even something as simple as a joke.  They tell us that things we know are wrong are just fine.  The question is, how do you protect your home?  Certainly isolationism is not the answer--we have to be in the world.  So what is?